If you have a tree that’s not doing well in your garden, it’s useful to wonder what’s one thing you can do it help the tree.
Perhaps it needs water? Maybe it doesn’t need just water, but also fertilizer. Or maybe the soil around the tree is not draining well. Yet many of the tree’s needs are centered around water.
This is a simple lens through which to look at the needs of the tree. It is not all-inclusive, yet can be enormously helpful, because it is simple and easy to take action on.
People’s needs can be looked at through a simple lens as well, especially if we look at men’s and women’s needs separately.
I will address women’s needs in a later Relationship Key. Here we will look at men’s needs.
What men need like trees need water is appreciation. This is by far the most important thing a woman can provide a man. In return, like a well-watered tree, he will give her the fruit of her appreciation tenfold.
I have two interesting client examples of how this really works in relationships.
One of my clients is a woman who was stuck in a horrendous marriage for many, many years. When she got out of that relationship and worked through her many issues, she met her current husband. Because of her relationship history she spontaneously appreciates anything he does for her. Opening a car door, buying dinner, making coffee in the morning, anything at all that is even remotely for her benefit is appreciated by her to the fullest. This is easy and natural for her because all of these little things are something she lived without in her last relationship.
In return her partner is truly amazing in the way he treats her. She has everything she has always wanted in a relationship and more. She is loved and adored more than she could have ever imagined was possible.
My second client has a history of short relationships, finally meeting her current partner over a year ago. Because there were no long-term relationships, there was hardly anything done for her by past partners. Having a partner that cares about her and does things for her is new and amazing, which is why anything he does is met with great spontaneous enthusiasm on her part.
In return, her partner is head over heels in love with her, ready and willing to jump at even a hint of any desire she has. She is deeply loved and cherished in her relationship.
These two women, largely because of their ability to spontaneously appreciate their men, are in wonderful loving relationships. Their relationships are the kind that most people only dream about.
Unfortunately this is not how most relationships tend to go. In most relationships women tend to want more than the men they are with provide. Instead of appreciation these men get complaints and fights. Instead of being adored the women them get pushed away and frozen out.
The truth is women want more than men in most, if not nearly all, relationships. Something about the way we are brought up and socialized creates the dynamic. And it’s okay for women to want more and ask for it.
The Key is for women – and for men – to ask for more in the context of deep and constant appreciation of everything already given in the relationship. From the platform of being appreciated a woman can ask a man for nearly anything and he will happily, joyfully provide it for her.
Men truly do need appreciation like water. This is a good thing for women to know about men, so that when they are not getting what they want they know what they need to do to get more. This is also good for men to know about themselves, so that when their relationships don’t feel right, they know what needs to be worked on and what to ask for.
Wondering what gets in the way of appreciation in your current relationship or in your relationships in general? Set yourself up with a Get Clarity Coaching Session so that we can investigate your relationship situation, mapping out a path to more appreciation, more love, and more joy in your relationship life.
