I say men’s biggest issues in relationships are that they don’t think they have to work hard at relationships and that they don’t think they have to work on themselves.
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It is an important aspect, to work harder in a relationship as a man. The biggest challenge is that, most women want to be heard than to listen. They prefer to have their views entertained more than the man’s view. When a woman next to you listens to what your views, understand it before bringing hers on the table it is better, that to me means I heard what you say and I would like to suggest this or I can expand on your view. Women are protective of their statements even when they are not correct, they fail to see or acknowledge the wrongs done. I still believe in seeking first to understand then to be understood.
Malose, I have to agree with you that women often seek to be heard in a relationship more than to hear or understand. But I don’t think it comes from not wanting to know what the man has to say, but from anxiety. So part of working harder as a man in the relationship may be noticing when she’s anxious – even if she does not realize it – and calming her down with touch, so that she can hear you.
I agree. I keep finding men who think they are past their divorce grief. They think they have done their work but really they have just pushed it aside. So when it comes it a new relationship they can’t commit, or they get scared and run or they project their ex’s behavior onto me. It is very frustrating. Are there any emotionally healthy men out there?
Joyce, there are! Look at Malose above, for example. He sounds pretty emotionally healthy. Now, he’s not available, as he’s married, I believe, but is a great example of a emotionally healthy man nevertheless.
Rinatta,
I am a divorced father of one who has been dating for the past two years and the main issue I encounter is my date’s children. The notion of if / how / when to either meet the children or for the children to be fully aware of the dating relationship has been the main hurdle for me to overcome.
While I fully understand that the stability and supposed longevity of the relationship is key as to whether or not to be introduced, I can say that the pervasive attitude is that “my kids come first in everything.” While this is understandable, I can say that in my experience this is a huge turn off. I guess I feel that if a woman wants a true relationship, she is going to have to be willing at some point to make her man feel special and not an add-on. This is especially true in the case of marriage.
I don’t mind working hard on either a relationship or myself, but how can you do that when your partner’s focus is her children? Why bother?
Christopher, you know, I have been having many conversations lately about just this topic. What would you say if I told you that a woman’s children are not separate beings from her, but are simply her arms. Could a woman put you before her arms? Should she?
On the other hand, why could she not take care of her arms – her children – in the way she deeply wants and needs and also make you feel special? Perhaps that’s the ultimate question. I will be curious to hear what you think in response to this.