Dating and relationships can often be difficult, frustrating, and downright painful.
Do you wonder what will make dating and relationship easier for you?
Many people believe that dating and relationships will naturally get easier with age and time, and so they wait for things to get better. However, this is not what I’ve found in my over 15 years of coaching clients.
What I’ve found is this: Those people who start out with the right relationship skills get better at relationships with age and time. But those people who didn’t start out with a good set of skills do not get better at relationships. They want to, desperately, but it doesn’t happen for them no matter how much they age or how much time passes.
I just got an email from a 60+ year old gentleman requesting relationship help because he and a lady he was dating rushed into a romance very quickly and now she is pulling away. He doesn’t know what to do. I get the same kind of email from 20 year olds, 30 year olds and so on down the line.
Regardless of your age and the passage of time, if you want to improve your chances of attracting and keeping love, or improving the relationship you are in, the only way to do this is to learn good relationship and personal development skills.
Creating a healthy relationship and being a healthy, functional person in a relationship are not natural, innate abilities, any more than managing money or writing or being a lawyer are. These are skills that need to be learned.
Over the next couple of articles I will give you a list of personal development and relationship skills you need to learn in order to be successful in dating and/or in a relationship.
In this article, lets get you started in the direction of personal development.
Let’s work on your introspection, the ability to see into yourself, by having you answer two questions about relationships:
- What holes do you repeatedly find yourself in when it comes to dating or your relationship(s)?
- What skills or knowledge or ability do you keep wishing for?
Answering these two questions will immediately reveal for you what you need to do to improve your dating or relationship situation.
But here’s the thing – many people will have trouble answering these questions. Their mind will trail off, they will get busy with something else, they simply won’t know the answer or they will not know if they have “the right” answer.
[stextbox id=”info”]If this happens to you, I will be happy to help you come up with a list of the specific skills YOU need to learn and the steps you need to take to learn them. Set up a Get Clarity Coaching Session with me to work on this.[/stextbox]
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Dearest Rinatta
I seem to be in a hopeless situation, my boyfriend and i, have been going out for 3 years now. Early last year he spoke about marriage, and i was a very mutual conversation / decision about marriage….
the first step was for our parent to get together…my family invited his,,,,BUT up to this day…they havent called my folks over…..
He insists that he wants to be with me…and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me..yet i get no serious committment…
PLEASE HELP
I need advise? I have been out of a relationship with this guy we will call Joe,for 2 years we were together for 7 years. I moved shortly after we broke up and got into a new relationship we will call him Tom, and got married after only knowing Tom for 4 months.
My new husband and I just moved back to the town that Joe lives in and I find myself wanting to call Joe’s family we were all very close and I miss them so so much. Joe and I have a few common friends that I have avoided entirely since I have been back I miss them as well. I dont want to make anyone uncomfortable am I being selfish if I call them or do I just forget about all of them and start new.
Jane is right.
Time does not improve a bad relationship.
It takes more than love and care.
I’m learning that you probaby should not expect improvement without MAJOR effort. Weigh the benefits, risks and costs. Don’t feel bad about making changes to feel good.
No, relationships do not easier with time nor with age. period.
One thing I constantly struggle with is accepting people for who they are. I have a tendancy to want to change people. The irony of it is; I don’t want anyone trying to change me.
Time does interesting things to romance, for sure! When I first moved in with my husband [to be at the time], we enjoyed sex every day, sat and talked for hours, played backgammon, drank tea together. Of course, I wasn’t working at the time and when I did find employment it was only part-time; he got laid-off from his job for 13 months, so we really got to know each other. Now we have settled, both working full-time and things just aren’t the same, but in some ways they are better because we know when to leave the other alone and know when to come to the other to help sort out a problem. Life changes, thus love changes. I realize I am probably better off than some people in relationships in the fact that my spouse and I have grown together and not apart. As long as both partners are working on the relationship in a sincere and open manner, I feel that we don’t have to lose the love, caring and affection.
I have read that book, but I think I need to read it again! So, do you think that a guy who doesn’t appear to be that “in to you” can change his tune? Is there a way to help that process? I went out with this man twice who is out of town working 3-4 days a week. We had a great time together and the dates were long because we were having a good time, though we didn’t have sex. Now he will only email on occasion and call on occasion. I know he’s got tons going on, but I’m not sure how to respond to him, as he is sort of maintaining contact but not trying to date me right now. I feel like he’s trying to keep me around in a friendly way until he’s in a place where he feels more like dating or is more free to. I do know he likes me and I do know he’s very busy, but still I have read that book and it makes me think he’s not that in to me. I’d like to change it though! There was definitely a physical attraction between us and more.
Liz
Marylin,
On your guy, read the book called “He’s Just Not That Into You.” If he fits that description, you may want to get some space from him until he becomes more into you.
On my newsletter and its frequency – I am going to send the newsletter out more frequently shortly. MY goal is to go back to every other week, and occasionally even once a week. I have been busy updating my websites and eCourses, and that is what has kept me from sending the newsletter more frequently.
I give too much, sometimes i need to pull back, sometimes i feel the guy is pulling back, i think its normal to take time to be introspective before rushing into a fire of hay that burns so quickly it self eztingushes, so I need to learn that, plus im a giver n need to know when im giving too much or not enough as i dont know the boundaries of giving, my current love is a giver also, but he promises to call, then doesnt, he always has a good reason, but when does it go from a good reason to an excuse???? cos im on the fence if i should break off w him for that reason alone n have to tell him that it bugs me that he says he do something like call, we long dist. and then doesnt, cos often its wekend n hes got plenty of time to call n say hi i wont be calling tonight etc, or im going out w the guys i dont care that he goes out w the guys, i do care that he doesnt keep his word, it shows not keeping his promise n makes me wonder if hes Unreliable>?? hes very focused on his work n often brings work home w him on weekends, help! I just want to be advised, gosh,,,,,plus what happened we didnt hear your newsletter in over a month now! gosh